 Our Guest at our evening meeting on Tuesday was Mike King. Mikes talk was wide ranging and so these notes merely scratch the surface of his address to us. For more information members should look at the website www.keytolife.org.nz Mike gave us some of his background, a stand-up comedian for 20 years, a man with issues, drugs - alcohol, self-esteem. His comedy came from a dark place, it was very aggressive and confrontational. On the surface he was successful but underneath those issues meant he was very insecure. Things changed in 2013 when he received a sentence of 200 hours community service after a conviction for riding his Harley-Davidson without a licence. While he was working out how to undertake the service he was asked by the Taipa school to speak to their students as five of their young people have killed themselves. Mike went to Northland thinking he knew everything after all he has five children and as a consequence could deal with the issues faced by the youth. When he got to Taipa he saw the effect on the young people of the suicides and decided to dispense with the jokes and deal with issues honestly. As part of this process might told us that he discovered that there were two voices at the back of his mind. First the inner critic and second the voice of reason. One, in theory counters the other, but sometimes they don't and when that happens things come unstuck. Mike in his early days discovered that being comedian meant not only that he could get out of trouble but that he got a "high' and also confidence from the approval of his audiences. Mikes aim became the approval and endorsement from his audiences. He lost control over his life with the pursuit of audience approval. This comment segued into Mikes point that 95% of children get approval from others but not their parents. Something that should be of concern to us all. Mike is told by the kids to whom he speaks that, first; they want to be loved and second that they want to have the thoughts and opinions valued by their parents. Mike also made the surprising comment that the average time a man spends’s with his children on Monday and Friday is about four minutes. Which is not a lot by any stretch of the imagination. While he was at Taipa Mike met five kids who were on suicide watch. A very disturbing thing is he recognised in what they said to him elements of his own life. Mike decided after the Taipa visit to give up spend his time working in schools talking about suicide. Mike told us that he used to think that the problem was with the kids but over time he has come to the conclusion that the problem with youth suicide lies with the parents who do not listen to or make the time to listen to their children. In general terms is nothing wrong children, rather it is their environment. Speaking generally about suicide Mike mentioned that 80% of the people who have suicidal thoughts never ask for help. His experience suggests 40% of kids will have suicidal thoughts before they leave school. He made the comment that we have become a risk management generation put on labels on thoughts with sometimes disastrous consequences. For example if a doctor asks a question of the patient are you depressed or do you suffer from depression and the answer is yes then that becomes a medical record available to health insurers and likewise a matter that needs to be disclosed on applications for life insurance or health insurance with sometimes unfortunate consequences as it becomes a risk for the insurer. Mike made the comment that in his experience there are three reasons people take their own lives 1. The individual is hurting - the individual wants the pain to go away, for example the breakup of a relationship; 2. The individual is causing hurt - I feel like I am a burden to everyone and committing suicide stops me being a burden, 3. The individual wants to cause hurt - you hurt me so I will hurt you. at the heart of suicidal thoughts Mike say there is an individual who is in one way or another hurting. and if we give them the right care we can perhaps persuade or help someone not to commit suicide. we need to show kids that they are valuable and they will change. Mikes address was wide ranging and received well by members, something evidenced by the number of questions Mike was asked after his address |
